hospital gowns with missing ties

I caught the bus up to the clinic this morning and got directed through to the MRI department.
I forgot to bring my insurance details, but that wasn't a problem - just phone them through when you get back to work.

"Have you had brain surgery, heart surgery, eye surgery...?

have you ever had a job working with a metal grinder?

Are you wearing a pacemaker, hearing aid or drug infusion system...? "
The Radiographer looked at me as if I might actually be wearing a drug infusion system and just forgot about it.

then into a changing room "you can keep your T-shirt on, and boxer shorts and socks, but take off everything else."
At this point I'd like to point out that I don't like energy saving light bulbs, because my socks really did look the same colour when I put them on this morning.

The hospital gown (which contrary to popular opinion, is not open at the back) is supposed to tie with two ties at the side. Of course mine only had one. I improvised - Oh yes, I watch Gok Wan - and if I may say so myself, I made that gown look good.

Normally when I've seen these MRI scanners on the TV everybody looks pretty comfortable, lying flat on their back for what looks like a quick pass through the magic gateway. It wasn't quite like that. For a start it wasn't my brain they were scanning (keep the jokes to yourself) it was my arm, so I had to get my arm in the centre of the bed with my body hanging off the side. A bit awkward. Then I had to stay like that until she pushed the bed inside the machine - except of course the bed's a tight fit - so I had to hunch up a bit so I could actually fit inside half the Stargate tube. Uncomfortable.
So all hunched up, hanging off the side of the bed, squeezed into a smartie tube - I think I can just about hold this position for a few seconds. 25 MINUTES I was in there like that! and it might look high tech, but it sounds like you're sitting in the engine bay of a John Deere.
When she eventually let me out, I sat up and stretched my aching limbs. There was a blip and the radiographer looked worried. "power cut" she said. I didn't ask too many questions - If she didn't save the images she'll have to draw them with a pencil from memory, because I don't intend to repeat that experience in the near future.

The results should be available in about a week.